


Time is short but I would never leave

by redshu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: As the name suggests it's a farewell story, M/M, don't deny MinSung thrives all the time, it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redshu/pseuds/redshu
Summary: Minho’s last farewell.





	1. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started writing this because MinSung is a ship with deep feelings :)

Even up till that moment, Minho couldn’t decide exactly how he should end it.

 

Stage a break-up, do something Jisung had hated, probably getting angry with Jisung for no reason; maybe those ways would have worked better.

 

But the thoughts of Jisung getting hurt by his ridiculous actions clenches so painfully at his chest, it would have burst before he could even take action.

_There was no way he could do that._

 

The countdown from a year ago. When shock had hit him hard, but regrets had hit him harder.

_There were so many things in this world that he couldn’t just leave behind._

 

Minho, _he had tried his best._

 

Forgetting whatever career he had dreamt about since he was a child, all he could wish for now was more time. Just so he could ‘see Jisung’s face just a little longer.’

 

_“Hey, you’re going to be late for work.”_

 

“It’s fine, you’re more important in my life.”

 

What was disguised as laziness with a stupid smile on his face, Jisung had brushed off Minho’s actions by teasing him about his rubbish sappy lines yet he would cuddle with the latter in bed just a little longer.

 

But that was because Jisung didn’t know. _The reason behind all that._

 

Minho had sucked at dates all his life, Jisung could remember so clearly the day Minho mentioned about their monthsary. He had complained being the only one who kept track of the dates due to Minho’s terrible memory. especially when the older guy had forgot his birthday and Jisung swore he almost locked Minho outside their room that night. It was only one fine day, _that day_ , that Minho decided that he couldn’t just let days pass without putting effort to commemorate the memories they shared.

 

Jisung was always too talkative, and Minho was always playing along with him. If it was the past, Minho would have injected his opinion halfway through the one sided conversation otherwise there was no way he could hop on this speeding train.

 

Then again, Jisung was talking non-stop for two hours and Minho was just listening, no matter how small the issue, no matter how many times Jisung had repeated himself.

 

He had just wished that Jisung could talk longer, _he wished he could hear him longer._

 

He wanted to still hear his voice tomorrow, next week, _and all the days to come._

 

But he knew, with the sour taste that creeped into his mouth, _does tomorrow even exist for him?_

Deep into the night, when Jisung is curled up comfortably in his arms, Minho’s heart ache as he shifts closer, pressing his lips onto Jisung’s forehead.

 

Caressing his cheek with his convenient hand, _how he had wished that everything about himself wasn’t true._

 

All he had wanted was to spend a little more time with him, _if he could ever_.

 

Sometimes he feels like scolding anyone and everyone for his non-existent future, at times he considers revealing the truth to Jisung and hopes that it doesn’t break him.

 

That’s not possible, _how could it be possible?_

 

If only he wasn’t the one to confess. _Hadn’t been the one so desperately holding on to that glimmer of hope that Jisung would ever like him back._

 

His wish came through and now the boy loves him way too much. There was no way time could return to the past, Minho had hated himself for being the one to hurt Jisung in such a way.

 

He held the biggest birthday party for Jisung, inviting all _his_ friends over because he knew Jisung really wanted to meet up with all of them.

 

A tedious process to make sure they would all turn up, gratefully, he had managed to.

 

That was all because of his _secret_ , those sympathetic gazes shooting towards his direction when Jisung wasn’t looking.

 

“Thank you for coming,” he had mouthed, to one guest after another, no matter how much it hurt him knowing this was really the _last_ time he could do so for Jisung.

 

At least, _his_ friends were understanding enough towards Minho’s predicament, and they knew well enough not to spread the bad news to Jisung.

 

He had made sure to prepare a cup of milk beside their bedside table for Jisung every night.

 

_“What for?”_

 

Jisung had questioned his sudden odd practice.

 

“To make you grow taller.”

 

He had joked, earning a light-hearted slap from Jisung, and a “ _fine._ I’m only drinking it because you prepared it. _And for the last time, I’m not short.”_

 

This goes by every day without fail, Jisung repeating almost the same sentence every day.

 

 _The words that he could never get sick of, the voice that Minho wished he could get sick of._ So that when he is no longer around, Jisung’s loud voice will still stick to his ears like gum, replaying over and over again whenever Minho wants it to.

 

The thought of _that_ hits him like a car, and it has become a habit for him to disguise those tears forming in his eyes as a yawn.

 

When Jisung stares at him a little longer, Minho would cover his mouth and pretend to be really tired.

 

“Let’s sleep,” Minho would say, turning off the lights so Jisung would never be able to see his face in the darkness.

 

He was grateful that Jisung was a heavy sleeper, so _he_ wouldn’t find Minho weeping uncontrollably while watching him sleep at night.

 

I’m left with 146 days...

 

Today is the 89th day...

 

63 days...

 

**_20th day._ **

 

“Jisung, let’s go bungee jumping.”

 

Of course, Minho didn’t say that with a grin. But he had still said it, earning a huge gasp and the widening of eyes from the guy beside him.

 

_“No, definitely not! You’re afraid of heights, I’m afraid of heights, and you see those daredevils there? I’m definitely not joining them.”_

 

Jisung had continued walking with the box of popcorn in his hand, shoving some into his mouth as he brushed off Minho’s comment as a joke.

 

As he walked, the shadow beside him grew farther backwards, and eventually, Jisung was walking beside no one.

 

_“Minho?”_

 

He had turned around with a confused look on his face. His boyfriend was still at the same spot, with a vague expression that Jisung couldn’t decipher.

 

The only thing that had caught Jisung’s attention was the slight reddening of his eyes, wet and glistening along with his long lashes.

 

The reaction that had caught Jisung off guard as the boy dropped whatever he was holding, reaching out a hand towards Minho and squeezing it tightly.

 

 _“What happened?”_ He asked, worried eyes tracing the evasive ones that were trying so hard to escape from his line of vision.

 

_The grip of his hand growing tighter as he asked with increasing urgency._

It was so painful for Minho to see Jisung worried for him like this. _He wished this didn’t happen._ He wished he could brush it all off as a joke. _But then, this is really the last time._

 

“You’re serious about the bungee jumping thing?” Jisung’s voice was wavering, partly in surprise but partly because he really does not know what to do when Minho suddenly shows this side of him.

 

Jisung had only seen Minho cry once in his life. _And that was when Jisung had to go overseas for half a year for an internship and Minho just couldn’t leave him at the airport._

 

Minho, _he doesn’t know how to reply._

Hanging his head low though none of this was actually his fault, tears falling like a waterfall but Minho just couldn’t help it.

 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, feelings overwhelming him. Jisung pulls an arm over his shoulder to hug him tight.

 

It wasn’t supposed to be for Jisung to hear him, but _he_ catches it.

 

“Sorry for what?” Jisung had questioned. There was definitely something wrong.

 

_Hell yes, everything was wrong. How could Minho ever deal with all that without you?_

 

Jisung was afraid, _yes,_ but he was more afraid about Minho. _This sudden outburst. Unexpected and dangerous._ Jisung wanted to be of help.

 

“Bungee jumping? We’ll go together if you want _. If you want it, I want it too_.” He said it so firmly, so convincingly, that Minho’s first reaction was to hold onto Jisung’s face, pressing his cheeks.

 

 _No words were said._ But Minho knew, Jisung would never agree to this. _Unless he had loved him more than words could ever describe. Which he did._

 

It was Jisung who held onto his hand and had led them towards the tower. It was Jisung who patted his back as they climbed up the multiple flights of stairs. It was Jisung who squeezed his trembling hand so tightly, they wouldn’t tremble anymore.

 

Jisung’s face was reassuring itself, though Minho could knew how afraid Jisung was, yet he was still smiling for him. _Just because Minho was the one who wanted it. And Jisung had wanted Minho to be happy._

 

Jisung himself was shaking so badly as they both stepped onto the edge, yet all he could think about at that moment wasn’t his own fear. _But the fact that Minho has wanted this, and he would only try this with him._

Minho swears that he hasn’t felt anything like that before, both falling from that insane height. Jisung’s booming voice screaming into his ears while Minho had stayed silent, listening to all of it.

 

How nicely the wind blows against his face, the Jisung’s warmth from right behind him. _How it feels so great to be so afraid of something other than the greatest fear he would have labelled._ He no longer had a phobia of heights; _he had a phobia of saying goodbye._

 

Jisung was doing surprisingly well when they had reached the ground, Minho looking visibly shaken from everything.

 

_Yet the insane rate of the thumping of his heart wouldn’t fool him._

 

Especially when Jisung grabbed onto his shoulder for a tight hug, sucking in a breath deeply and whispering him a “you’re so brave, Minho, definitely my precious boyfriend.”

 

It tingles in his heart but then it pierces him deeply like a needle would, these words that he could never hear again in his life. The things he would never be able to do anymore. _Because time does not rewind for them, it only goes forward._

It hurts him so bad, but he had no choice.

 

I wish I can be your boyfriend not just now, but next time. In future. When we grow old. _When we leave together._

_How could I ever leave you behind?_

 

Jisung feels a light grasp of his waist as Minho lets go, Minho’s eyes searching his pupils for an answer that Jisung couldn’t give.

 

Still, his hands on Jisung’s arms were squeezing the boy way too much. Minho losing control of his emotions when he finally saw the answer he was looking for.

 

Jisung’s eyes gleamed brightly under the scorching hot sun, how naturally brown it was, how naturally bright he was, how those eyelids fold into a pretty slant when Jisung gives him an eyesmile.

 

_But most of the time, just like now, his eyes always looked like they were about to burst out of their sockets._

 

_Something in his heart tells him that this was the right thing to do, so Minho raises a palm and grazes it against Jisung’s neck, pulling himself close, holding onto his breath before letting it all go when their lips touch._

 

Jisung was caught by surprise, though he had responded meaningfully to Minho’s actions. It was not like Minho hasn’t suddenly kissed him before like this, to some extent it had even reminded them of their first time, _that time when his heart fluttered aimlessly at whatever stupid things Minho did._

_It still does._

 

This wasn’t one of them, but this was one of the most memorable things they had done. Minho wished that he could plant that image in his mind forever.

 

In contrary to the recent make outs they did, Minho was much quicker than usual today, going _deeper and deeper_ , that Jisung has difficulty catching up.

 

Just, he feels like Minho wasn’t trying to let him go. As if there was something etched in his mind to push him to go further, not wanting a single break because it would have caused dire consequences.

 

Lost in the abyss, his feelings were complicated, he just felt like he couldn’t let go.

_He shouldn’t let go, he just wouldn’t do so._

 

Even when Minho’s face was lightly held up under his own shadow, those rough fingers that had softly pressed against his face, his life was still filled with regret. Though he had so much, _he had done so much._ Time was well spent with the one whom he had loved the most, but _fuck_ , he really wanted to curse up at the sky, _why the fuck was he supposed to let go now?_

 

Jisung was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face, the frown on his forehead and pursed lips had meant nothing positive. Maybe Jisung would have caught onto something by now, but maybe he didn’t. _All the what ifs and how tos, all the whys and why can’t._

 

If time was short, I’ll spend it with you. If time was shorter, I’ll lengthen it with you. If I have no time, if I spent today as my last, if I don’t see tomorrow with you, I hope only the good memories of us together stay. Lock it up in a safe place of your heart, only open it up when you’re alone. Maybe touching the photo you placed at our desk, the one when I first confessed to you by that swing. Or maybe the one that you keep in your wallet, the first time we held hands as the first snow fell. Or the one by the railway, when we saw your favourite cherry blossoms in Japan, our first overseas trip together, that kiss we shared, the first time you took initiative, _the one that I remember best._

 

The last photo that we’ll take together, I’ll make sure we will take it well. With your favourite camera, the vintage one with no colour, the one that I had accidentally dropped and you refused to talk to me for eight days, _the eight days that I cooked pasta for you for every meal because that was your favourite food._

That time you ran a high fever and grew terribly weak, how you couldn’t even take a bite of porridge unless I fed you slowly till my hands got numb, _but now,_ if life could repeat again, I will do all that for you, a hundred times over, even a million, even if I did whatever till I collapsed, _I hope to spend every single moment with you, now and forever._

 

If life could repeat itself, I will still call you my boyfriend. _I love you, and only you, my Jisung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it! :)


	2. Jisung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MinSung <3

_“What is your birthday wish, Jisung?”_

 

“I cannot tell you. It won’t happen if I say it out loud.”

 

“Go on. I’m your precious little boyfriend, _telling me wouldn’t hurt_.”

 

“It will. The sky knows. _And I don’t want you to know._ ”

 

Minho’s hand was tightly interlocked with Jisung’s, they were sitting by the same swing in that neighbourhood park right down the corner of the alley. It was right after Jisung’s birthday bash, when they enjoyed the peace and quiet of the midnight ambience.

 

“Why? My baby can’t keep secrets from me.”

 

“I can. _I just don’t want you to know_.”

 

“If you’re not telling me, I don’t want to hold your hand anymore.”

 

Minho inched his fingers out of Jisung’s hand, and Jisung let him be. _Just, it took a moment before tears started flowing down like a waterfall._ Jisung had tried his best not to let it show, but this time round, he just couldn’t help it.

 

_“You’re crying?”_

 

Jisung shook his head, though Minho was unconvinced and squeezed his hand tightly.

 

“Okay okay, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me your wish. I don’t want my baby Jisung to cry. _So please_ ,” Minho closed his eyes and said a prayer, “make his wish come true. And tell me through our awesome telepathic skills, what you wished for. Then I know what to get you.”

 

_His words had only made the boy cry harder._

 

//

 

_“Your milk.”_

 

“Told you I don’t need to grow taller, but I’ll drink it today because you made it.”

 

Just like every other day, Jisung had let him be.

 

The milk has always been too diluted because Minho had sucked at proportions, but Jisung could never tell him. _All because the smile on Minho’s face whenever Jisung had appeared to be enjoying the drink was something Jisung didn’t want to wipe off._

_Minho’s smile was always brighter than the sun. If only his sun could go on smiling like this forever, he wished._

 

//

 

“Let’s go bungee jumping.”

 

If it was Jisung, he would never have allowed it. Not for himself, it was too dangerous. Not for Minho either, it was too risky.

 

But this Jisung was different. This Minho was different. Because of that, Jisung had no complaints. _What Minho wants, Minho gets._

 

Every phobia he could ever think of in life, he could have gone through all of it with a smile as long as Minho is with him.

 

“I’m always beside you, my baby,” Minho would always say.

 

_If only he had the power to make Minho be with him._

 

But he didn’t.

 

//

 

“Why did you take out my old camera today? The photos are not even coloured. There you have a better one sitting in the closet.”

 

“ _Just._ I missed your vintage camera. _Let’s take a photo together, Jisung_.”

 

Minho held out the camera to take a selfie for the both of them, in the middle of the busy food street. The smell of fried chicken, spicy rice cakes and kimchi wafting towards them from all directions.

 

For one shot, Jisung had his eyes closed accidentally, and the picture didn’t turn out well.

 

“Let’s take another one. I look ugly here.”

 

They had switched an angle and took yet a few more.

 

“ _HAHAHAHAHA_ baby what’s with your eyes? What kind of expression is that? We should take more, now give me a brighter smile.” The only noisy person in this world who managed to slip into Minho’s heart, and failed to ever leave.

 

Jisung was dragging them in all directions, some photos turning out blurry due to his excitement, some turning out decently well.

 

_If this is really the last time, I want to leave with no regrets._

 

“Let’s go back, all the shops are closing already.”

 

_“Wait, let’s take a last picture.”_

 

Minho almost heard himself choke on the last two words, holding up the camera, planting a smile on his face before Jisung could even notice anything.

 

Right before he pressed the button, he turned his head for a light peck on Jisung’s cheek.

 

Shocked by his actions, Jisung’s face wasn’t all that good looking in the photo, though Minho looked completely satisfied with it.

 

“You looked so cute, _just like a squirrel_. Now let’s head back.”

 

As if Minho didn’t just kiss Jisung one moment ago while he was distracted.

 

//

 

**_D-day._ **

 

“Miss me a lot.”

 

_“I won’t.”_

 

Lies.

 

“Call me everyday.”

 

_“Of course.”_

 

Lies.

 

“Have fun with your family!”

 

_“Yes!”_

 

Lies.

 

_“I’m really going now.”_

_“Really, really going now.”_

“I’ll miss you.”

_“I love you.”_

 

_“Jisung, I love you so much.”_

 

“Take care of yourself without me, pull a blanket when it’s cold, feed yourself medicines if you’re ill, pull out my photo when you miss me, but don’t miss me too much.”

 

_“Oh boy, I’m just gone for a few days what are you saying?”_

 

Lies.

 

“I’m saying it because you are always a big fat liar. Anyway, always know that Jisung loves you. Because I do, I really, really do.”

 

_“I know.”_

 

//

 

**_14th September._ **

 

_“What is your birthday wish, Jisung?”_

 

You’re stupid.

 

“I cannot tell you. It won’t happen if I say it out loud.”

 

_“Go on. I’m your precious little boyfriend, telling me wouldn’t hurt.”_

 

Fuck it hurts as hell already.

 

“It will. The sky knows. And I don’t want you to know.”

 

_“Why? My baby can’t keep secrets from me.”_

Says the person who did exactly this.

 

“I can. I just don’t want you to know.”

 

_“If you’re not telling me, I don’t want to hold your hand anymore.”_

Fuck.

 

_“You’re crying?”_

 

Fuck you ten times over for not telling me the truth.

 

_“Okay okay, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me your wish. I don’t want my baby Jisung to cry. So please... make his wish come true. And tell me through our awesome telepathic skills, what you wished for. Then I know what to get you.”_

 

**_You are the only person I wish for._ **

 

You’ve suffered so much, Minho. Concealing everything, doing everything by yourself. If I had known earlier, I would have made sure to be a better boyfriend to you. I will always make you smile because you only look good when you smile. That’s a fact.

 

You must have your reasons for not saying so. I don’t know what is your plan, I don’t know anything. I wish I can be by your side longer, I wish I can hug you to sleep every night.

 

I wish you can still be here for all my ups and downs in life, when I get a job promotion, when we buy a new house, when I go back home for family dinners.

I wish I can see your face the moment I wake up every day, I wish you would always be happy.

 

I wish we can go travelling together, I wish we can take more photos with my old camera, I wish we can eat lots of good food together, I wish I could drink that milk you prepare every night and if I had only ten wishes in this world, _my last wish is that I wish you can be with me forever._

I never regret loving you, and will _never_.

 

I love you Minho, I really, really do.

 

By now nothing can change, but I hope that you can stop suffering. It’s okay, I’ll take the blow by myself.

 

_But don’t be surprised. Ten years down the road, if you were to see an older guy, sitting on our favourite swing and staring at a photo of the two of us, sobbing silently with a smile on his face, yeah that’s me._

 

Because I miss you, forever and always.

 

//

 

**_7th December_ **

 

_It’s been so long._ Ten years, was it? From the day you left and I could never call you again. I went to visit your family, hoping to see you _just once more_ but the same house had different people… _you didn’t tell me they had moved_.

 

That day I was dressed so nicely, all ready for work before sending you off, putting on a smile just so you wouldn’t notice that it was hurting _so badly_.

 

_How could I be able to leave without walking away in tears?_

 

I still remember the lingering touch on my fingertips when you let go of my hand, the warmth you gave me, calling out to me that ‘I don’t want to leave, but I have to’.

 

I turned away quickly after we parted because I was too afraid that you would know that _I had known everything_ and it hurts me so much, _as if crying could have helped_ but it didn’t.

 

_You too, were drenched in tears._ I saw your back moving further and further away, I had turned around and watched you leave. Where were you going? Why didn’t you bring me along? Why didn’t you tell me? And even so, _why didn’t I stop you?_

 

_Why didn’t I go with my first instinct to hold you back instead of letting you go, as you had wanted?_

 

I have been asking myself these questions, yet I have still not found the answer.

 

The house we shared, all our failed attempts in cooking, our fights on the cleanliness of the house, _I wished you were still here with me._

 

I bought a single bed to replace the huge bed we shared, _because it feels just too empty when you’re not beside me._

 

I prepare milk for myself to comfort your absence, _but I miss the diluted one you make_.

 

The photos of us, I pasted it all around our room, waiting for you to come back.

 

I’m at the park again. Our favourite swings, _but the one beside me is empty_.

 

Today is the day where you left, exactly ten years ago. I come here every 7th of the month, the day you left. 6th of the month, our anniversary, _you didn’t forget right?_

 

And the 14th of September, and 25th of October every year. _We promised to celebrate our birthdays together, remember?_

 

_“Jisung.”_

 

I hear my name again. I must be hallucinating, I always seem to hear you call me whenever I whip out your photo.

 

_“Jisung-ah.”_

 

Minho I miss you so much.

 

_“I miss you too.”_

 

Jisung raises his head, seeing the brightest star twinkling in the sky above him. _Maybe somewhere far away, Minho was still watching him. Or somewhere nearer, Minho was beside him. Jisung had always felt Minho’s presence, whether near or far. Minho would never leave him. Because he promised so, Minho promised that he would never leave him._

 

The dim light from the lamppost nearby hitting the picture that he had squeezed so tightly in his hands, Jisung held it towards his lips and pressed a kiss onto Minho’s cheek.

 

_“Minho-ah, this is the tenth year you have left my side. Are you doing well?”_

 

He asked, of course, there was no one to reply him.

 

He smiled, it pierced right through his heart _but he smiled, because he knew Minho wouldn’t want him to be crying now._

 

_“I believe you are. And I’m doing well too. I recently got a pay raise, are you proud of me?”_

There was still no one to answer him.

 

_“Mhm, I heard you. My Minho will always be proud of me, I know.”_

 

He stared back up at the sky, admiring that brightest star in the universe, the one that blinks at him exactly like how Minho used to wink. _Always so flirty, always so bright._

 

“ _I miss you Minho...,_ ” he sighed looking down at the picture that they shared, tears welled up in his eyes, “ _where are you?_ ”

 

Shedding a tear despite promising not to cry, because Jisung had missed Minho _so_ , so much.

“Beside you, always beside you.”

_That shadow that was hiding right behind the lamppost, Jisung didn’t see it. Nor did he ever realise that it had only appeared whenever he sat back on the same swing. Jisung’s wish never came true, he knew. Minho had still left and never came back._

_But Minho had kept his words._

_He couldn’t physically be here, but he was always beside him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally edited the second part after a long time because it was a busy school term :/ Hope you guys enjoyed it, kudos and comments are always appreciated :)


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